Cleaven Pagani - Born to Bleed

from Blood Vibrations: 8 (Blood Work Mixtape) by This Is Our Musics

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about

BIO: It all started in 1999 in my parents basements with a couple cassette players and a guitar. I began writing songs as a teenager soon after learning a few chords on the guitar. Once I figured out that I could overdub guitars and vocals using two cassette players, I played around with recording my songs and developed a passion for writing and recording. Thanks to the support and encouragement of my family (and especially my beautiful wife for putting up with my late night recording sessions), I now make music in my basement studio. None of these songs have ever been played live as my joy comes from the creative process. Creating music has been my method of meditation and restoration.

Many of these lyrics have been written while riding my bike along the banks of the North Saskatchewan River or walking in the valley. I use these songs to explore thoughts, memories, experiences or tough decisions in my life. As a result, my music has always been deeply personal in nature and I’ve typically only shared it with a few close friends and family. Feel free to check out my Bandcamp site for more.

I hope these tunes inspire others to create something.

TRACK: "Born To Bleed" was written when I was looking through an old songbook and found this simple guitar riff. I wrote it some 20 years ago back when I listened to grunge (remember the 90’s) and got my first electric guitar. I always imagined this song to be really noisy with lots of guitars, but didn’t have the gear to record the song the way I heard it in my head. Fast forward 20 years and I gave it a shot. I used a Digitech whammy pedal and an EBow to get the weird pitch shifted guitar sounds. I reworked my original lyrics and kept the same rhythm guitar part that I wrote and envisioned all those years ago.

Regarding lyrics, I have mostly avoided the topic of having a bleeding disorder. I didn’t want to be treated differently and I didn’t want it to define me. This song is about acknowledging that I was born with a condition that can be challenging. With all the new treatments and products coming down the pipeline, this is meant to be song of hope for the possibility of being free from this illness. And hope that a ‘cure’ may be realized in my lifetime. In writing this song, I came understand that living with a bleeding disorder has affected my life (more than i thought) and has made me into the person I am today. It has made me stronger and more accepting of things that are not in my control. It has made me thankful for life. I wanted to share this song with you because it was the one that started my journey of exploring the thing that I didn’t ever want to look at, which eventually turned into a primary theme for my last album "Born to Bleed" released in 2019.

lyrics

Desire reveals, designed like a hawk
Who loved to soar, what it was made for
The only thing, I know for sure
Since I was born, the world has grounded me

I had a dream, playing TMNT
I still feel my thumb, bleeding internally
Killing time, is killing me
Is that what God, intended for me?

I was born to bleed
Where no one else can see
I want to be finally free
I want to be finally me

I gave you the first, and the best of me
Don’t want you to see, the next 10 to 20
I’ve seen death, love and talking trees
But nothing as scarred and hurt and worn as me

What you see, hiding behind
A brilliant disguise, an elaborate fig leaf
Like trying to hold, water in your hands
Still looking for, every missing piece

I was born to bleed
Where no one else can see
I want to be finally free
I want to be finally me

I was born to bleed
Where no one else can see
I want to be finally free
I want to be finally me

credits

from Blood Vibrations: 8 (Blood Work Mixtape), released October 29, 2019
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☀ Lyrics and music by Cleaven Pagani ☀

☀ Performed, recorded, mixed and produced by Cleaven Pagani ☀

☀ "Born to Bleed" was originally released on the album "Born to Bleed" by Cleaven Pagani ☀

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Blood Vibrations: Sound & Music from the Bleeding Disorders Community Portland, Oregon

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click to learn about our partner FOLX and the empowerment of people from diverse backgrounds within the bleeding disorders community:

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